I started this post the night before the Supreme Court verdicts on Same-Sex Marriage in response to a question someone asked me in a political debate group on Facebook. Ironically, not realizing that the decision was about to be announced, I started hearing the announcement that the Federal Supreme Court has essentially thrown out the majority votes of the citizens of California. I feel that I’m watching the unraveling of our Constitutional Republic. But following is a position I’ve held on the subject.
The subject of Same-Sex Marriage is one I’ve put a lot of thought into over the years and discussed it with gay friends that I know to test my theory. I’ve never put it to text, but discussion of my theory has been met with a fair degree of success, even among Gay friends. My approach has everything to do with the fact that it appeals to projecting MUTUAL RESPECT from both sides. “Prejudicial hate” toward religious people and “judgmental condemnation” toward Gay people would have to be put aside. As uncomfortable as it may be for some folks, ALL of us are fellow citizens of this country, who should be flexible in our coexistence without doing damage to ourselves or to your fellow citizen. I believe in following the rule of “First do no harm. Sounds good so far right?… Well stick with me, be rational, and don’t rush through this, or you won’t get it…
I have gay friends that I think the world of, and would jump in front of a bullet for, who also know my position on this and we all respect each other. And believe it or not, many actually agree with me and view it as a reasonable compromise. So hear me out because I have a perfectly workable and peaceful solution that rises above emotion…
Marriage
It’s obvious that the term ‘Marriage’ is a huge issue that crosses some very serious boundaries for a lot more ‘Straight’ people than it does ‘Gay’ people. This is due to the fact that it crosses critical lines within several belief systems that define the majority of American lives. ‘Majority’ is a safe quantification, given that a single digit percentile of Americans identify as Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender.
Redefining Marriage
This is a real problem, because it goes against parents who are trying to raise their heterosexual children in a biblical fashion, who feel their religious rights are being violated when their children are indoctrinated by the secular “redefined” meaning of marriage that is taught in the public school system.
Balance
Every reasonable Christian, Jew, or other believers of Biblical scripture, operate from a place of acceptance and are non-condemning, which is indeed what the Bible instructs, especially the New Testament. When Judeo-Christians orientate and raise their children around their belief, they teach the biblical views regarding homosexuality, and they also instruct that not everyone believes the way they do, and that we are to be good examples, and not to judge others for being different.
I personally believe that it’s NOT the place of the public school system to go into detail promoting the home lives of Gay families. That can indoctrinate children away from the belief systems they are being taught at home or probe our children to help them find out if their gay or not. They should simply be taught to accept diversity without judging, but not instructing ANY more than that.
Religious Freedom
The word ‘Marriage’ has become a strategic hill to be taken, that the Gay community “feels” is necessary in order to validate and secure their position in the eyes of rest of community. They also think it’s the faster road to the rights they desire to achieve. But, out of respect for different coexisting cultures, you cannot, and should not FORCE homosexuality to be taught as “normal” in the public school system, to the children of ‘religious citizens’, in the form of redefining ‘Marriage’. It’s destructive to their belief system to redefine such a doctrinal trigger-word that is understood throughout in their Holy Bible or Torah, describing what GOD deems as appropriate and acceptable in his eyes; i.e., heterosexuality.
Otherwise, the school system inadvertently undermines, and confuses the child or young person’s religious belief system, causing them to doubt the authority of their parents and/or their GOD. You don’t have to agree that GOD exists, or believe that religion is even valid, to have the decency to respect your fellow citizen’s Religious Rights and respect their right to raise their children how THEY see fit.
The idea that folks have to “agree” with each other about religion or social behavior in order to respect each other’s right to behave and believe how they see fit is a huge misconception on the battlefield of ideas, among fully grown mature adults. We all should accept and respect our differences and beliefs. We also shouldn’t force social or religious agendas or doctrine into the children of our fellow citizens in the public educational system.
If the word Marriage is redefined to include Homosexuality, Bisexuality, or Transgender in the public system school system, it then becomes unwelcome indoctrination and is rightfully construed as the forced, subversive undermining of the private religious beliefs and value system that most of America aims to instill in their children.
Religious Freedom and Religious Rights? Who Cares?
In light of the the above question; imagine if the same statement was made of Gay freedoms and rights? You may think this has been a one-sided dialog so far, but this issue not just about Gay rights and freedoms, which will be covered thoroughly in a moment, but it’s also about religious and heterosexual rights and freedoms.
For the sake of argument, I’m addressing the fact that many people put a lot of effort into arguing and trying to devalue and diminish other people’s religious beliefs with the idea that Religion is bad or destructive for society. Many argue that religion is the enemy to the Gay community. Well, that goes both ways from a ideological standpoint, and each side has their endless talking points. But the approach of trying to bring down or remove the other is riddled with as many flaws as what one side would claim of the other side. Why don’t we become good citizens instead, and come together? Good citizens are more considerate of each other and their opposing values. They try their best NOT to take such a ‘we must conquer the other’ type of approach.
‘Equal Protection’ for Religious and Fundamental Values
No amount of arguing, diminishing, or devaluing religion will change the fact that religion is still valuable to those ‘citizens’ who believe in it, with the same amount of passion and conviction that the Gay minority has toward being Gay. Even if you’re a hardened militant Atheist who wants to stomp religion out of existence, insulting every religion in your path, you will have little effect on those who have true religious conviction. Such an approach only provokes a mutual level of resolve and resistance.
I recommend that folks give up that sort of futility, because no amount of hate or oppression will ever stomp-out religion or any other type of ideology in a free society. All of these elements are here, and as “adults” we should accept it, and love your neighbor whether or not you agree with their religion or whether they’re Gay or not. Unless it picks your pocket, breaks your leg, or tries to kill you, there is no need to be militant from either side. Why create struggle for yourself or your neighbor. Such negative interaction only makes you cynical, bitter and develops an overly defensive and offensive social environment. You’re better off just trying to understand other people, instead of trying to insult or embarrass them into thinking the way you do. This approach has never worked and never will work if resolve is what you seek.
It’s critical to remember, regardless of your station on this topic, it’s not just about you. It’s about being considerate and defending your fellow citizens’ constitutional religious rights, as ardently as many of you would defend Islam, Atheism, or being Gay. For Liberals, this “should” match-up reasonably well with your own philosophy of “equal justice” without much difficulty. That is, if you’re really interested in a peaceful and socially conscious solution. It certainly is a more civil approach then being militant or trying to dominate over your fellow citizens with sneaky legislation and deceptive politics. The solution to equal rights for the Gay Community is coming up after the next section. So please be patience…
How Important is a Word?
Words have very connected and deep meaning. Let me give a little example. The definition of ‘Marriage’ is as sacred to Judeo-Christians and even non-religious heterosexual citizens as the name ‘Muhammad’ is to Muslims. Marriage is one of the pivotal touch stones to the Judeo-Christian faith and/or belief system, whether you believe in their faith and/or theological view or not. Even if YOUR opinion is that religious people are nut-jobs praying to a super-spook in the sky, it really boils down to a simple matter of mutual RESPECT, and the fact that we each have the responsibility to not encroach on the rights of our fellow citizens. Changing the definition of marriage certainly encroaches on the religious rights of your fellow citizens and natural law.
Essentially the word ‘Marriage’ touches on more than just secular legalities. It also touches on fundamental belief systems and standards that have been built upon over generations. To redefine ‘Marriage’ would essentially be a violation of the fundamental religious rights and freedoms of your fellow citizens. What validates that statement is that redefining the word ‘marriage’ literally changes the MEANING of a ‘critical’ word that is directly connected at the center of their religious doctrine. With that understanding, from the religious perspective, it’s not difficult to recognize, that redefining a long instated ‘institutional’ word such as ‘Marriage’, can easily and undeniably be construed as ‘intrusive’ and ‘invasive’ on the entire religious belief system.
Such a move doesn’t just live in the sexually neutral domain. That ‘word’ and it’s meaning reaches deep into other systems. Changing it’s meaning subverts and confuses its intent in the religious domain as well. Many feel this is intentional, but I’m not writing this to debate that point, even though it is a consideration.
The religious and social impact of changing the meaning of ‘Marriage’ can even be legally argued, and I don’t know why it hasn’t, simply because of its very deep cultural and religious associations throughout American history. Hence, it’s a huge cultural sacrifice that is being asked of the largest religions of the world, to accommodate the smallest minority of American citizens. That really is a big deal… especially when you consider that only a combined 3.8% of the United States population identify themselves as Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender; according to a 2009 UCLA study. Surely the figures haven’t changed THAT much since that study.
A Fair Solution for the Gay Community and Religious Institutions
The following will allow for ALL the amenities that the Gay Community is asking for. I feel that if the Gay community wanted to peacefully ‘coexist’ without aggressively taking over a long standing institution that the majority of Americans view as sacred ground, they would be wiser to focus their efforts on making ‘Civil Union’ just as meaningful, powerful and legally effective for the Gay Community as ‘Marriage’ is for the Heterosexual community. That way, no one is offended, everyone gets everything they want, with ‘equal treatment’ across the board, AND best of all, no one is violating each another’s Constitutional rights.
It would be so easy and reasonable for everyone involved, if the Gay community weren’t so adamant about owning the word ‘Marriage’. It would open doors of communication and more social acceptance even, if Gays showed some love and respect toward the remaining estimated 96% of the of the Heterosexual Population. I think they would find those who are not gay, less defensive and more open in their communication regardless of whether they agree or not about homosexuality.
It’s Not Just about God or Religion
I’m deliberately staying away from the Biblical evaluation of ‘marriage’ and its repeated definition of the word throughout history since the Book of Genesis, which is a valid reference as well. But, for the sake of argument, and for my Atheist friends, let’s keep God out of it for a moment. For the most part, the majority of citizens believe in “Natural Law”; the law of “procreation”; the actual ability to make babies, which is how ALL of the rest of the mammals on the planet function for the most part. Otherwise their species would become extinct and disappear from the earth.
It is only the human species that has rationalized and emotionalized the crossing of the genders. Procreation begat Natural Law, and Marriage begat procreation. Procreation is what has defined ‘Marriage’ since history began being recorded. Essentially, the natural design of our bodies dictates what is natural for the survival of the human species. So, it’s hard to argue the fundamental history of the word ‘Marriage’, even from a scientific stand point, which defines how and why the term evolved over many centuries. That’s a lot of data. We are a thinking species, with the gift of ‘reason’, and we give value and respect to how much data supports ANY theory or concept. These are very strong points to consider when discussing not only the word, but the institution of ‘Marriage’ and what it means, and what it has ALWAYS meant.
Consideration
So there you have it, my theory on how the Gay Community can peacefully achieve ALL the equal rights and recognition they desire and deserve as free American Citizens through legitimizing the institution of ‘Civil Union’, in exchange for respectfully choosing to not violate the religious equal rights and ideals of their fellow citizens by making the painless and minor concession to NOT redefine the term ‘Marriage’.
The considerate and mindful citizen should naturally recognize that redefining the term ‘marriage’ is an action that reaches deep into sacred territory, contradicting and confusing its fundamental meaning within Judeo-Christian teachings. The ‘considerate’ citizen should also acknowledge that such an action is a violation of the civil right of ‘religious freedom’ because it denies ‘Equal Protection’ under the law of those whose generational foundation is grounded on the definition of ‘Marriage’ as being between a man and a woman.
Keeping the term ‘Marriage’ out of the equation and focusing on legitimizing ‘Civil Union’ would not only bring about a peaceful solution for everyone, but would ultimately lower defenses and barriers for all who are involved. It truly is a minor concession, considering the huge sacrifice being demanded by the Gay community of the largest fundamental belief system on the planet, which are the principles that the country was founded on.
Honesty
If the Gay and Social Liberal community were really honest with themselves, they would agree that WHAT they are demanding is ‘equal rights’. ‘Justice’ in our current ‘emotionally-charged’ atmosphere is a whole other thing and is a much more contentious and politicized mindset that provokes an adversarial environment across the board. But essentially, what the Gay community is asking for is to be able exchange matrimonial obligations, gain legal status and recognition, and to join together on all levels with their “same sex” life partner; therefore having the same matrimonial civil ‘rights’ that Heterosexuals currently have with “marriage”.
What is Truly Fair and the Best Solution?
The more peaceful solution is the ONLY solution in my opinion. The current option that has been argued for so long, is more or less a type of social, religious, or theological warfare. Over what? A “word”… A word that means everything to a huge population of believers and even non-believers (who believe in natural law). That word is embedded in the religions and culture of that largest majority of Americans since what they perceive as the beginning of time. Changing the definition of the word ‘Marriage’ to them is like changing the axis of the planet.
In truth, the word ‘Marriage’ is not crucial as a ‘title’ when providing the what Gay Community demanding in the way of Civil Rights and being able to practice their lifestyle however they please. Given that Social Liberals, Progressives, and those who politically lean that way, literally put an enormous amount of value in Democratic Rule (majority rule), it is important to note that the Gay community, make-up a combined 3.8-4% of the U.S. population.
If religious morals are aggressively conquered in this battle being waged against them, such a war will essentially never be over, and necessarily in their view, because they value their morals and what represents their morals as much as the Gay community values their Civil Rights to be able to legitimate citizens, free to join in matrimony and share their lives and fortunes with their life partners. Religion has no intent to invade those rights and take that freedom away from the Gay community. The same consideration should be shown toward those who have generations invested in what the word ‘Marriage’ enshrines, which is the union between a man and woman.
Being that ‘Gender Neutrality’ is being accepted as a new norm for those who exercise their right to ‘choose’ to accept it; isn’t it fitting that those who embrace Gender Neutrality’ derive their own term that doesn’t undo the established definition of the word “Marriage”? Do you have to ‘undo’ or invalidate an established standard or value system in order to establish a new standard and value system. I contend that that approach only creates unnecessary social tension and builds walls between those who would rather join hands, regardless of their different worldviews. Have we truly evolved? I contend that we haven’t, if we have to interfere with one group of people’s civil rights in favor of another’s, especially when the group whose rights are being interfered with happens to be the majority.
If the term ‘Marriage’ is removed from the debate, which is a very small concession, and if ‘Civil Unions’ were given full legitimacy for the union of Gay couples, I believe there can be much more peace among the people, leaving only a straggling minority of knuckle-heads who want to continue to fight one another because feel they have to force their way on others, in either direction.
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